A real note for you

Time sets her ticking
While I spend my days thinking
Or fantasizing in vanilla pages of type
Little yellow stickey notes,
I feel things too much
And no matter how bundled and wrapped I wear my stockings and clothes,
I feel that coldness seeping through,
Its a coldness I enjoy though
Time keeps count so I don't have to.
While everyone around me wants to kill themselves, I find these things
odd but I don't let it distract me, and I don't let it bring me down.
Saying it, IS tdifferent than doing it and its the action I find
difficult to accomplish these days.
Echos screaming back and forth make a standing wave in my room
shattering my windows, tragic I know.
I spend my time now without a cost, and now im the one who wants to
scream.
Sometimes I just don't get it. But I don't mind being lost because nick
says being lost together is like finding your way home,
I think its different for me when im the only one who is lost
and it feels like a joke is being played when nobody wants to offer
guidance, fuck if I even ask, this is such a rambled piece of shit.
The more I try to collect my thoughts and form something real,
the less real I feel and the more I am told im insane. So now I just
think more, I didn't say I was right and I never said
Everything wouldn't repeat, actually I know it will repeat.
If Lil wayne is like a clock on the wall, then who are the
hands?
What is a little wayne hour? I don't fucking care and I don't know why
im writing about that stupid shit.
I guess I only like him because everyone else does, its so stupid,
memories maybe.
I want to help,
I can see you trying on different shirts and then stripping down
to your bra again.
Hair down, hair up,
Graduation gown
Tease me please me
A genius trapped in an idiots body perhaps,
I want to hear something familiar but everytime I do you skip through
songs, oh well, im just making notes like I like to do, but its not a
'to do' its just a list,
Because I can't list the ways, its crazy to me to be this close
to you and to have monster with me at night, it makes me happy.
And now you just flashed me your ass, hah you like it! I just like it
more, and as I was typing that I missed you putting your
jeans back on.
I feel like I just miss a lot of things,
But at the same time I feel my eyes opening,
Shit I should try so hard to let it be,
I don't know weather to accept it or reject it.
like this, im trying to open my eyes but something is closing them, or I
let it close and don't fight the blindness and condemned for not even
trying, so is trying not trying, trying?
I feel stupid among genius around stupid, and backwards to everything
but its not really just backwards, its fucked up,
Because if the problem were simply backwards I could learn right
ways reverse and vise versa,
I don't know the who, what, when, where and I don't care because that's
not even the point,
In comparison
I find things and places by which I know are odd to the reason for
knowing.
A reason for the wrong season and such is confusing if you knew why I
know,
But I don't know how,
This corporate bullshit,
Its something, that's for sure but nothing good im sure.
I sit in red waiting for copies and I want to sing my song but my voice
is lost,
Not like your sore throat
And not like chi tea.
My descriptions are far and it has gotten very cold outside.
Im humble to have found work,
Hardly easy and easily found under my nose,
I pass with flying colors.
Its the north, face but to the east,
Even smaller gloves will keep my fingers warm,
And another warm thing waits.
A warm embrace, makes me feel better,
Your embrace is the best,
With padwon near our feet.
Near my heart, a blue pendant
Now rests on your bookshelf,
Im my possession I remember to wear,
And I remember the reason and keep it close.
This needs to be revised
I need your guidance,
I need your patience, love and joy, not just a warm body, skin and bones
mean so much more now.
I feel you in my blood, like this redness, like the warmth you cover me
with,
Take my blood, take my own and rejoice in the likeness because you rub
off on me,
When I leave, I leave covered by you,
A fading memory and a strong aroma of our being one.
Stainshane